Yesterday, I took the boys out for our annual Valentine’s Date With Mom. This is actually only the second year we’ve done this, seeing as last year was the first time we could, the five of us, go to the theatre without Daddy there to help me keep the token toddler tied down. For an entire year now I have been at a place in my life where I can go to the movies and sit and watch an entire movie. It’s a strange phenomenon, but in no way signifies being off the hook at all. I have not “arrived,” except that I am regularly getting a full eight-hours sleep. So, strike that. I have arrived.
The boys and I went to see Curious George, and if you are thinking about seeing it I highly recommend you do so. I was initially scared off by reviews saying the movie was for kids only (which, duh, it is G-rated), because this summer we were invited to see one of those kinds of “kid” movies (which shall remain nameless) that I would have never chosen except our friends invited us. It was dumb. And extremely painful. So I was feeling nervous, like this movie would be another dumb, painful experience. I was also quite prepared for Curious George to be some kind of Politically Correct showdown and it was not. The movie was delightful.
We had a wonderful time, me and my sons, all snuggled together in the darkened theatre. I even sprang for popcorn and a drink (goodbye this week’s grocery money) and we snacked and laughed together.
On the way home, we had to stop at the mall to get (ANOTHER) pair of uniform pants, and the store was having a very good sale. We picked through various shirts and pants and everyone ended up finding something they needed, on very good discount.
One boy, unfortunately, found a shirt that I didn’t want him to have. It was a nice long-sleeved number with hood, but not heavy like a sweatshirt. He liked that it would keep him warm without making him hot. The problem with the shirt was that the back was covered with artwork I didn’t like — stuff I didn’t want my son wearing. I said no. He didn’t understand.
We went round and round about this shirt. The boy was getting frustrated as he tried to explain that the drawings on the shirt were not what appealed to him, so why couldn’t he have it. He wouldn’t even see the back of the shirt! He wanted it for the hood and for the texture.
I stood my ground, and after much wailing and gnashing the two of us came to an agreement that went something like this: “The answer is no, son, so go find something else.” I said this probably 20 times and finally it sunk in.
On the way home, I was struck by the dichotomy of the nearly-perfect time we all had together at the movie, and the frustration and hard work of the shopping trip. While I watched in amazement at my son not-taking-no-for-an-answer, over. and over. and over again, I kept being tempted to say something to him like “stop ruining a perfect day!” But then I realized of course, there are no perfect days. The perfection is only in how we handle the bumps in the road.
And that, my friend, is Love.
True Love, especially in family life and even more so in marriage, isn’t a lack of conflict — it’s how we handle it. It’s being willing to talk through problems in a way that shows honor and respect to the other person. It’s being willing to forgive — and to ask forgiveness. I sometimes wonder if love really means ALWAYS having to say you’re sorry, or at least being ready to.
Paul and I got engaged 12 years ago today, and I continue to be amazed at the reality of true love — you really do grow deeper and deeper in respect and affection for the other person. When we got married I didn’t think it was possible to be more in love.
It’s also a ton of hard work, dying-to-self and putting the other person first (which Paul does incredibly well. Thank you for that, Paul). But so worth it. A good investment, indeed.
Good job standing your ground, Mom. I think they do this just to see how erodable we are. Do you really mean it? really? really? really? really?
Ironically, we both shared Curious George with our sons this Valentines Day!
My son is nearly 16 (I’m not sure whether to gasp or to sigh) — and his Valentine’s Day present I got him the Curious George Soundtrack (most songs written and performed by his top favorite music artist, Jack Johnson).
To this day, I try to take each of my kids on special day dates. I pull them out of school and we go for lunch and a movie (if we can pull it off). My son has spent an awful lot of time at the doctor this year, so we haven’t had much time for a date. He had another MRI on Valentine’s Day, and I pulled him out of school early to go out to lunch and then sit at the beach until the appointment.
Cherish every minute. Happy Valentine’s Day.