Pondering My Spleen

1368 1368_ () 1368 1368 There is a picture I have, maybe I’ve posted it here before, of my mom and me, the two of us smiling at the camera on a long-ago Fall day when I was very young, and so was my mom. In the picture, my head leans on my mom as she wraps her arms around me. We stop and smile, frozen in time for me to see the two of us when life for us was how it now is for my boys and me.

Normally, I would look for that picture on my computer, hoping to post it on my blog for my birthday. Because I want to thank my mom for giving me life, she and my dad both, of course, to thank them for all the work they have put into me, year after year. Parents are the people who provide us with the birthday in the first place. So thanks mom and dad! I’ve always loved that this was the day I was born.

But tonight, I’m not searching. My computer is gone, getting fixed, and I am left to think about the picture, but not find it. I’m embarrassed to admit how undone I have been this week — my computer is gone, and my portal to the outside world along with it. Of course, I’m sitting here, typing at another computer — but that’s just it. It’s another computer (a really great one — please don’t fail me, Other Computer!). I sit in another spot and type on another keyboard. And it just feels weird.

I have realized this week how many tiny details make up the fabric of our days, the little things that are such an important part of who we are and how we roll and what makes us tick. Sitting at another spot to write takes a bit more effort; my portal was set up so perfectly, I was so darn used to everything, and having to adjust is, well, an adjustment.

In spite of adjustments, and how really uncomfortable they can be, I’m realizing how great it is to have people in my life who are here to celebrate the joyous, and ride shotgun for the bumps. Today, my brother-in-law Jordan dropped something off at the house and I started telling him about my portal woes, how I feel a little lost in the midst of it. And he totally understood. That made me feel happy (and also less crazy). We stood in the kitchen and chatted for a minute and it was a simple moment that was just what I needed.

This week has been tough, yes. But I’m so grateful that in the midst of a few days of frustration and sadness, so much goodness abounds. At the very least, days like these can remind us to look for that goodness, to remember that even when we only offer emotional navel gazing, there are loved ones to listen, who love us unconditionally. Thank you. 1368″> ?



  1. Suzanne says:

    Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day!

  2. Happy Birthday, Rachel!! I understand what you mean about the whole thing. It’s hard to have something you use so frequently and have tailored so perfectly to your own needs be taken away. Thanks for pondering your spleen and letting us read about it. We(readers)love you! 🙂

  3. Amanda M. says:

    Happy Birthday to someone who puts a smile on my face so many days a year with her wonderful writing! You have a wonderful day! 🙂
    Amanda in WI

  4. Ambrose says:

    Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le
    Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le
    Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le
    Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le

    Until I started learning Mandarin I would sing “Chimichanga cry la!” Perhaps that might mean more to you 🙂

  5. Happy Birthday Rachel! The gift of your life and your beautiful formation that your parents have given you is now a gift to all who read your blog (and know you I’m sure, though I do not). 🙂 Hope you have a happy, happy day!!

  6. Michelle says:

    Feliz Cumpleanios Girl! And many blessings on your special day. THose boys better give you the royal treatment – :0)

  7. Happy Birthday! Praise God for another year of life. 🙂

  8. Matilda says:

    Happy Birthday Rachel! Thanks for the gift of you!

  9. Kathryn says:

    Happy Birthday Rachel, you give so much to us…I hope your day is filled with at least as much goodness for you!

  10. Anonymous says:


    You are way too sensitive about change.


    Anyway, happy birthday!

    (oh no! now your AGE has changed!)

  11. Happy Birthday Rachel,
    Your what, about twenty five or twenty six? Hope you have a great day !

  12. Ruth Anne Adams says:

    Forgive me for not getting you a gift. How does one wrap a spleen anyway?

    Sounds like you’ve got some spleenin’ to do!

  13. Anonymous says:

    Oh, Sweet Woman Child! How eternally grateful I am for the gift of your life. You started me on one fantastic journey! My dream came true. Happy Birthday,Rach!
    I love you! M+

  14. javajabbing says:

    Happy Birthday, Rachel!
    Thanks for the laughter and insight. God bless you and your family.

  15. Suzywoozy says:

    happy birthday! i enjoy reading your blog- and your boys are a barrel of laughs 🙂

  16. jerseygirlmama says:

    So sorry I’m a day late and a dollar short! And can you believe Henry will be 1 in almost a month (and my Shelby will be 2 one month from today!). But I was thinking often of you yesterday and will again today. We are all so grateful to have our Rachel! Thank you Rachel’s mommy and daddy! And thank you little boys of Testosterhome for sharing her with us!

  17. Anonymous says:

    so many sweet memories…
    I love you (from SLC)
    ps…hug your Mom

  18. Wade & Kerri says:

    Emotional naval gazing? That’s a new one on me, but certainly an interesting twist of words. Happy birthday!

  19. Just now seeing this and hoping that you are able to bask in the happiness only a birthday can bring for the whole week.
    (and hoping that your computer gets back in its spot soon… funny, I have a lovely little laptop which is wireless even, but here I sit at my “spot” in front of the dinosaur PC)