Easing Into Summer

Weekly column

The boys were doing their chores one recent morning, collecting trash, unloading the dishwasher, gathering dirty clothes to bring to the laundry room.

As I started to load the washing machine, I noticed nine-year-old Charlie was wearing a shirt that practically begged to be cleaned. In fact, as I stared at the shirt I realized I had been seeing a lot of it lately – like on and off every day since Sunday. We were currently halfway through the week.

“Let me take that,” I said, motioning to the shirt that could have walked over to me on its own. “and I’ll spray something on the front to get those stains out.”

“Thanks,” said Charlie, removing the shirt, “this shirt really means a lot to me.”

“It is a special shirt,” I agreed. Charlie had just gotten the shirt from his aunt, which explained why he wanted to wear it constantly. It was the exact basketball t-shirt he had asked for and she tracked it down and presented it to him for his recent birthday.

“This is the shirt I packed Ethan in,” he said with a hint of melancholy.

I got a little choked up. Our oldest son was currently away for the week at Boy Scout camp. He had left Sunday, Day One in Charlie’s endless shirt run, and we were all missing him.

“Oh,” I said, “were you wearing this when you helped Daddy pack up the car with Ethan’s stuff?”

“No,” Charlie said, coming back from his pleasant memories, “this was the shirt I was wearing when I packed Ethan – when I smacked the ball out of his hands when we were playing basketball.”

We finished our walk down memory lane, and Charlie handed me the shirt to throw in the washer. He found something else to wear and headed off to finish his chores.

That particular morning was especially good because I had finally decided to get going with my summer schedule. A few weeks earlier, after reading an inspired article about setting a schedule and having a plan, I was reminded of the need for structure in our summer days. Growing up, my mom did an excellent job of planning summer (days that included work, reading and lots of time outside) and I find that when I hearken to those days, things go very beautifully around here.

But Henry’s cast situation had left me feeling like we were in a holding pattern. Weeks earlier I had written out our schedule and even discussed it with Paul. I had started off with the best intentions and somehow eased into shooting from the hip. Apparently, I had come to the conclusion that we would start our schedule when the cast came off and Henry was free from his shackles. Then I could focus on running a tighter ship.

At some point, though, I had a revelation: what exactly are you waiting for? That’s what I asked myself as I tread water in a sea of endless lounge-living. Of course Henry being in the cast limited our out-of-house activities, and it was certainly easier to park him in the front room in his beanbag and let him watch his brothers play a video game (or two). But the fruit in our home was hardly worth the “convenience” of keeping my expectations so low.

I’m all for being realistic in dealing with these boys, but at some point I had lowered my standards to frightening depths. Just because Henry wasn’t mobile didn’t mean the other boys couldn’t get going on morning chores and reading and life beyond doing nothing. It’s true the cast has been emotionally and physically draining, but I was ready to quit lounging and start living.

What a difference structure makes in the lives of children. In the few days that I have been sticking to our (now prominently-posted) schedule, the boys are like new creatures. Of course there is the occasional moaning and groaning, some healthy emoting from the poor soul who just does not have it in him to unload the dishwasher and then sweep the porches?! How could I expect so much?

But once I remind these boys that they are indeed capable of doing this work, well, suddenly they are. The more I expect from my boys, the higher they seem to rise to the occasion.