Weekly column
A few days into the new school year, I got a phone call from one of my boys’ teachers.
“I just wanted to let you know about something that happened at school today,” she said, and I felt inclined to think “Oh lawdy.”
The teacher went on to explain the incident, one that involved my son and his good buddy. The friend had gotten in trouble for some impish behavior just as school was letting out – it was not the worst misdeed by any means and as the story went on I began to wonder what any of this had to do with my son.
After school, the teacher told me, the friend’s mom contacted the teacher to explain that her son was very upset because he was not entirely to blame. The truth was my boy had more to do with the bad behavior than the boy who ended up in trouble.
As the teacher was telling me all this, I had a split second thought that I might decide to be annoyed. It really was just that – I wasn’t annoyed as yet, but I wondered if I was going to have to fight feeling annoyed when it was all said and done.
But then I realized, after that pause, that my friend would never act maliciously towards me or my son. That was Moment of Grace No. 1: I know how much my friend loves me. When I thought about her talking to the teacher about the “other side” of the story, I quickly recognized that this was more about setting the record straight (for her son’s peace of mind) than simply making sure my boy got what was coming to him.
The teacher continued that she wanted to let me know about all this because what happened could be a good lesson for my son. That afternoon at school, my boy watched his friend get in trouble – not the worst kind of trouble, but his friend took the blame for something my boy had done. For me, that was Moment of Grace No. 2: I had the wherewithal to listen to the point of the teacher’s call. The teacher called because she wanted my son to be the best boy he could be, which includes growing in character and virtue.
Later, when I talked to my son about what happened, he was quick to admit that he had been the instigator and not his friend. I asked why he had not said anything when the teacher reprimanded his friend, and he admitted he didn’t want to get in trouble.
That led to a very good discussion on the importance of standing for truth – for being willing to admit you are wrong even when it might cost you. In this case that would have meant a minimal tongue lashing, but the point was, my boy needed to learn the important lesson of doing the right thing. He also needed to get things right with his friend and his teacher. He did that the next day.
In life, we have those split-second opportunities to either get really worked up about something, or to take a deep breath and choose to chill out. This situation was just that for me.
I see all this as nothing to do with my own good graces and personal virtue, but having the grace in that moment to receive the goodness God sent my way. It was about not rushing to judgment, but instead waiting to assess the situation before choosing a defensive stance.
Ultimately, the love of that teacher for my son proved to be a life lesson that I hope he won’t forget. The teacher didn’t have to call me; she could have brushed the whole thing off. Maybe she could have even assumed I wouldn’t hear what she had to say. But she was willing to call and talk – and God generously gave me the grace to listen. What a blessing all around.
God is always trying to lead us closer to Him, to speak truth to us through an array of sources. He loves us so much he’ll even find ways to help us listen.
In reading your story, I think you also have to take some "kudos" for yourself for creating a positive environment for the teacher. If you didn't already have a good working relationship with her, or a reputation at the school for being a "teacher-supportive" parent, she may not have taken the time to call you. Instead, she felt comfortable that you would give her the respect she needed to tell her story and that you would at least listen. What a great example for our kids – that as adults, we are all banded together for their good, to form them into the grace-filled men and women we know they can be.
I love this story, and I second everything Kris said above. I was a teacher before I became a mama, and making those sort of phone calls is hard to do. It's always easier when you know that the parents respect you and trust that you want the best for their child as well.
What a great moment in life as a mother to share with the rest of us in blogland. It could have been so easy to jump to irritation and not really listen. I'm glad your son got a chance to make things right. Great teacher to phone you!
Thanks for sharing this one! As a teacher myself, those are hard phone calls to make and it is very tempting just to let it all blow over. I hope I can be just as caring a teacher as the one your son has.
I love this Rachel…I know my heart always drops and then instantly my brain rushes to the defense…instead of looking at the whole picture, where the lessons and opportunities to teach lie.