Jesus Others You

Weekly column
Frustrating happenings were afoot in our home one recent end-of-summer day. The boys were moving very slow, enjoying one of their last lazy mornings before the onslaught of September’s early alarm clocks. After an extended time of lying on the couch, one boy ambled toward the kitchen to get some breakfast.

“Can we open the other box of Cookie Crisp,” he asked, referring to the on-good-sale special cereal I let him pick out at the store.

“Sure thing,” I said, but as I rummaged through the cupboards I couldn’t find it. That box, we were sad to discover, had already been eaten.

The boy took a deep breath and asked if he could have an actual cookie instead. Feeling generous I told him yes (reminding myself to throw in a Flinstones vitamin to even it all out), only to remember that the special container of cookies had also been devoured.

Feeling desperate for a treat (and recognizing Mom was being uncharacteristically accommodating) the boy asked for some form of candy bar. Perhaps some chocolate might lessen the pain of the already-eaten cereal and cookies?

No can do, I hated to tell him. Your brothers already ate up all that too.

The boy, now feeling totally defeated, threw his head back and walked out of the kitchen. He was annoyed with his siblings, those over-active little food snatchers – they had hogged up everything before he himself had a chance to do the same.

I recognized his frustration. Too often I have similar agitations, exasperating encounters with people around me whose actions directly affect me. It’s not that I don’t love people, it’s just they can sometimes complicate matters.

How many times have I thought that I really could be a saint if only I didn’t have other humans to contend with. If it were just me and the Lord, I too often think, well then I would be golden.

The real issue of course is not other people. Yes, people sin and do obnoxious things. But ultimately what bothers me about dealing with others is often less about their behavior and more about my own.

So many times the state of my interior is revealed to me through my attitude towards others. In these moments, when I am faced with my own shortcomings, when I recognize that I am judgmental or selfish or impatient, I see how the Lord uses other people to help me work on my own imperfections.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to serve a friend in need. I went into the situation excited and blessed to help. Once I was in the midst of it all, however, I found myself just really annoyed. A whole host of details in this scene were dealt with in the exact opposite way I would opt to handle them. If I were calling the shots, I kept thinking, I wouldn’t do this.

But I wasn’t calling the shots. I wasn’t in charge, I was there to do what needed to be done. There was no wrongdoing involved – things were just different.

The issue, of course, was not the details themselves but my own reaction. What I learned about myself – about areas in my own life I needed to work on – that was the real struggle in the situation. While a bit painful, in the end it was a very good thing.

When I was a girl, we used to sing a song about Jesus. “Jesus and Others and You,” we would sing, “What a wonderful way to spell JOY!” I used to love that song, until I got a little older and realized the absolute irony of it all.

But the truth is it can be wonderful and there can be joy. We just have to look at these interactions as our path to holiness, as part of our sanctification.

It isn’t just God and me. While that one-on-one relationship is what it’s all about, a huge part of growing with God involves dealing with others.

So often, my path towards deeper love of Christ often involves deeper love of neighbor.