A few months ago, something upset me greatly. I reacted to something, a decision someone made, with such gut-wrenching fervor that I was stunned and saddened at the depth of my emotions. I knew I was upset about a certain situation in my life; I had no idea how much.
When this thing occurred, when the mirror was tilted to reflect the extent of my anger (or hurt or possibly just extreme agitation), I realized that I needed to get things right. It was an issue I had analyzed and discussed and pondered to an extent that was basically just too, too much. On the one hand I am embarrassed to admit that, on the other it shows the level of fixing this situation required.
Over the course of a conversation about something unrelated, a friend of mine mentioned that she had gone to get prayers from a neighbor of ours, an elderly gentleman who is a Methodist pastor. When I heard his name, I knew this was what I needed to do.
The next day, I called the man to see if I could get some prayers with him. As it turns out, he had nothing going on later that day.
That afternoon, I wandered over and sat down with Grandchuck (as we have always called him). I use the word “elderly” to describe Grandchuck only so you can get a general idea of his age range. But in truth, he is as spry and fit as any sixty-year-old on the block.
Before we got started, Grandchuck had his wife Alice come into the living room to read a passage from their daily devotional. Grandchuck is blind, so he needed Alice to help him out with this. What she read to me was so stunning and life changing that I started to cry, right there in the front room with Grandchuck and Alice. I’m going to share the small passage with you, but first I want to show you just how much God works to get us the healing we need: the reading for the day was actually the reading for the next day. Except Grandchuck got the days confused. He and Alice had read the next day’s reading that day and through that mix up he had this passage just waiting for me to hear.
It changed my life.
After Alice read the meditation, she went back to what she was working on. Grandchuck said a gentle prayer over me and that was that. The situation that loomed so large in my mind and heart has not had any power over me since then. None.
This is from the book, God Calling, edited by A.J. Russell
Self dethroned – that is the lesson, but in its place put Love for Me, knowledge of Me.
Self, not only dethroned, but dead. A dead self is not an imprisoned self. An imprisoned self is more potent to harm. In all training – (in Mine of you, and in yours of others) – let self die.
But for each blow to the life of self you must at the same time embrace and hold fast the new Life, Life with Me.
It is not a dead self that men have to fear, but a thwarted, captive, imprisoned self. That self is infinitely more self-centered than the self allowed full play. But to you, My children, I teach a higher science-law than even freedom of the self. I teach death to the self. No repressions, just death. Petty self-life exchanged for Divine Life
And now I can make more clear to you what I would say about forgiveness of injuries.
But what you do not see is that you, the self in you, can never forgive injuries. The very thought of them means self in the foreground, then the injury, instead of appearing less, appears greater. It is one of My commands that as you seek My forgiveness, so you must forgive.
No, My children, as all true Love is of God and is God, so all true forgiveness is of God and is God. The self cannot forgive. Kill self.
Cease trying to forgive those who fretted or wronged you. It is a mistake to think about it. Aim at killing the self now – in your daily life, and then, and not until then, you will find there is nothing that even remembers injury, because the only one injured, the self, is dead.
As long as it recurs to your mind you deceive yourself if you think it forgiven.