Liveblogging this Crazy.

4608 4608_ () 4608 4608 It’s 6:02 pm and Isabel is so exhausted and beyond the pale and just OVER IT. Life is very hard for a small person with five older brothers who are always getting up in her grill and not playing kitchen the way she wants. It stinks.

If I imagine that she’s a 93 year old woman, I can be so much more patient with her. I’m going to try and convince the boys to do the same.

6:04 pm: and Isabel took her pity-party out of the kitchen and into far-off lands. Not so far off that I can’t hear her. But far enough. I love that girl so much. I’m sad that she’s so exhausted. But you know, it’s Breakfast for Dinner, which means BACON which means I’m kind of chained to the stove. I know, I should bake the bacon, but I like frying it. Call me crazy. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something. I talked to Ina. She shares my sentiments.

6:08 pm: Breakfast for dinner always seems like such a good idea. But let’s be honest: frying a pound of bacon and scrambling 18 eggs is not nearly as easy as tossing a pot roast in the crockpot at 8am (tomorrow’s plan! Go me!). It’s delicious to have eggs and bacon, but it’s not really easier.

6:08pm: Just realized there are scores of readers weeping and praying for me because they just had the thought, “Poor Rachel. Cooking eggs and bacon is a challenge for her.”

6:09pm: Did I mention I am looking into cooking classes?

6:13pm: Down to my last four strips of bacon to fry up in the pan. Cuz I’m a WOMAN. The other night at one of our last home basketball games the Senior Class was selling leftover whole pizzas. I was up at the concession stand settling our tab, writing a check and wiggling to see which teeth I could get a good price on.

“Want a pizza?” asked a Senior girl.

“How much,” said I.

“Five bucks.”

I bought that pizza on the spot, announced we had lunch for tomorrow and felt like the Proverbs 31 Woman.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

 

6:16pm: As I flipped over the last few bacons, I was considering other ways I’m the Proverbs 31 woman. Paul was home sick today (again! He was sick on Thursday too poor guy) and I brought him home an Extra Large Dr. Pepper because everyone knows when you’re sick the best remedy is a bubbly fountain soda. I have also exchanged several emails with my sister about making my own laundry detergent (which she did and it’s apparently awesome). I haven’t actually made the detergent yet (I had just purchased a new Family Size container when she first floated the idea) but I do have the perfect glass container and I’m going to Pinterest the heck out of that concoction when I get around to it.

P.31 Gal, cha-ching!

6:19pm: One bacon left, one thought: I actually did make homemade chicken noodle soup the other night when Paul was sick. I even roasted a chicken to put in my soup. But who wants to read about that? The Internet is filled with gals who can do that with their eyes closed. Plus, I don’t want to brag. PLUS, I don’t want to brag and then discover homemade soup is so JUNIOR VARSITY.

6:21pm: We are almost done with the appetizer portion of meal, wherein the boys come in and out from the basketball court while I swat them out of the kitchen in between flipping bacon and readying the eggs. The littles are having some yogurt because they are starving and I can’t blame them. I way underestimated bacon cooking times.

6:24pm: Charlie’s chore this week is set the table. I told him to, he said yes ma’am and then Elliott came in.

“Come play basketball with us,” he said to Charlie (he who had not yet set the table).

“Sorry mom,” said Charlie, heading out of the kitchen, “duty calls.”

“You’re right,” I said, “set the table. DUTY calls.”

“Who’s Dootie,” asked Henry. He’s such a people person. He’s always wanting to meet someone new.

6:34pm: Waiting for the eggs to cook. My boys pet an armadillo yesterday on our hike. They are now at risk for leprosy.

6:35pm: I am not even lying.

6:35pm: I should have made spaghetti. This is taking forever.

6:36pm: While we wait, little old exhausted, hungry lady is back. I feel bad for her. Why aren’t they feeding her in the cafeteria of this gosh-forsaken nursing home?

6:36pm: Boys are all in from the bball court, patiently waiting. Charlie is passing the time by lovingly hand-polishing his soccer cleats, on my kitchen counters. Leprosy may be the least of our concerns.

6:40pm: Charlie just saw this post on my laptop screen. “LEPROSY??” You decide if that question was tinged with fear, or with excitement.

6:41pm: Henry wants to play hide-and-seek after dinner. How has he not picked up on my vibe that I’m counting down the minutes — nay, the seconds — until they are in bed and I can relax with my new library book. Ya’ll, I’m so excited. Me, Alexander McCall Smith and a glass of red wine from Spain. What? Wine in Lent? Why yes, the Lord (and my children) are finding other, intensely effective ways for me to suffer this season.

6:43pm: Oh rats. I didn’t mean that. My kids don’t make me suffer. They’re awesome they totally cause me to suffer at times no I can’t say that without recanting but I can’t lie to you things have not been overly easy these days but it’s going to be okay. I love my kids. They are my path to sanctification. I, I am sure to remember, am also theirs.

Peace out dear reader. The eggs, they are finally congealed. 4608″>

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Comments

  1. I know scrambling a dozen or 1.5 dozen eggs seems like a good idea – but it takes forever, It is actually faster, I think, to scramble about 3 eggs worth at a time, move them to a serving dish and do the next set. The pan gets too cold too fast with too many at a time. Just a thought for next time.

  2. I realize this is entirely not the point, but baking bacon instead of frying it? Life changing. Less mess! No turning! An entire package done at once! Seriously, you’ll never go back.

  3. This is hilarious. When you’re the reader, not the blogger. 😉

  4. This is awesome.

    It almost makes me want to have five boys, actually. IT SEEMS FUN, OKAY?

  5. Angela Weaver says

    Totally bake that bacon! It is too hard to fry a pound of bacon. Get a half sheet pan, layer it with foil, put a cookie cooling rack on top of the foil, spray it with Pam, lay that bacon on the cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for about 10 to 12 mins depending on how crispy you like it. Get two cookie cooling racks that fit in the half sheet pan and have the second set up with the other 1/2 pound of bacon. Take out the cooked rack and then put on the raw rack. Bacon done while you are wrestling with the eggs! I was so glad when I put that method together!

  6. Oh, definitely fry the bacon, but scramble the eggs in a different pan at the same time. Aren’t you glad to be getting all this advice? Now we’re all paths to your sanctification also!!

  7. That was hysterical! Chiming in here with more bacon suggestions (the kind you didn’t ask for but maybe subconsciously you really were)….fry one pan’s worth of bacon and bake the rest. Then when the fried bacon is cooked, you still have a seasoned pan to make those scrambled eggs better than if you just sprayed it with cooking spray.

  8. My two cents worth? I tried baking bacon once ’cause I hate frying it and I must have done something wrong ’cause it took FOREVER to cook, soundly defeating my purpose.

    Also, I’m not sure what would make my four boys more excited, petting an armadillo or possibly catching leprosy.

    Loved this post. It all seemed so strangely familiar.

  9. No bacon cooking advice from me, but I have learned from your other readers! I have never thought of baking bacon (bacing??)…we may have to eat bacon and eggs at our house this week too! As for drinking during Lent, I have some of that going on here as well. My husband and I have never been big fans of alcohol until we were introduced to hard cider. Our tongues are way to immature for anything dry, but we do like a good sweet hard cider. Our local Coop just started stocking many varieties, so we’ve basically taken up drinking for Lent. Although, it has been somewhat penitential when we crack open a bottle to share and find out that it is so dry it tastes like beer. I keep thinking maybe it’s God punishing us and laughing at our misfortune for drinking during Lent! What else is a mom of five littles to do when she’s given up chocolate???

  10. This is a great blog post that sets such an accurate scene for dinner with a large family!

    BTW, do people always give advice on how they think you should do things when you write a blog post?

    Women/moms cannot seem to help themselves!

    This made me laugh equally as much!

  11. Please do post the recipe for homemade laundry soap when you have time…. ok, you’ll never have time, but when you get it, please share? I’ve looked into a few but haven’t been brave enough yet to try. Fabulous post, would love to read more play by plays in the future!

  12. I’m going to chime in on the baking the bacon. My husband lines the half sheet pan with aluminum foil and puts a cookie cooling rack in the pan and adds the bacon. Then he puts it in a cold oven. Then, he sets the oven to 450 for thin bacon and 475 for thick cut bacon. When the oven beeps that it has hit the temperature, the bacon is done. Oh, he covers it with a sheet of parchment paper, so it doesn’t spatter all over the oven. You might have to adjust the end temperature a little depending on each oven, but it works great.

  13. I have heard about baking bacon, but never tried it. I would be too afraid that the bacon connoisseurs in my house would lead a revolt. Properly cooked bacon is a hot button in my house. But being able to cook the required two pounds quickly? Hmmmmmm. Food for thought. No pun intended.

  14. OK. I want to know how you get away with cooking only ONE POUND of bacon for a family of 8?!?!?

  15. I wanted to know the same thing… a pound of bacon for 5 boys (and a girl plus the ‘rents)? I’m about 5 or 6 years behind you, #5 is not even eating bacon yet and I don’t think 1 lb would be enough just for the 4 boys and I. Also, I feel like I need to move South with all your discussion about the boys outside playing basketball and going for hikes this time of year 🙂 It’s freezing here although I do make them get outside as much as possible. Back to bacon, you should try to make spaghetti carbonara (sp?)… it’s one of our favorite dishes and pretty easy! It has bacon and eggs in it 🙂

  16. I only have 3 boys but your blog was pretty much my life the other day when I did breakfast for dinner. I have switched to French Toast made on a griddle only because I can make more quicker. And, regarding bacon have you tried candied bacon? It can be made ahead and eaten at room temperature. You just dredge it in brown sugar and a hint of cayenne before putting it on a cookie drying sheet sprayed with nonstick spray atop a cookie pan lined with foil. I could eat the whole pound myself! And, I agree with the carbonara suggestion – or alfredo -just with carbonara, watch so it doesn’t boil or the eggs will curdle. Ha, too much unsolicited advice here. Sorry about that…and your leprosy. We let our kids play with ground squirrels infected with the plague once. oops.

  17. Really enjoyed your live blogging! 🙂

    I totally agree that, sometimes, just focusing on being a really good Mom (patient, kind, loving, willing to sacrifice when they need me) really feels like all I can do for Lent. It is no easy task.

    Peace to you!!

  18. I only have 2 boys, but can soooo relate. And what self-respecting Southerner doesn’t like their eggs in bacon grease?? BTW – my oldest would eat a pound of bacon by himself if I’d let him. I’ve never tried baking the bacon because, well…. I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem right. In the interest of time, I have microwaved bacon before, but it always gets that funky microwaved taste. Ya know?

  19. Yet another bacon recommendation:
    I use kitchen shears to cut it into tiny pieces, cook it up that way, drain off most of the fat, then dump the scrambled eggs right in there. Scrambled eggs with bacon, one pan (Or in your case, maybe two pans). Takes care of all timing issues, AND all fights-over-bacon issues, but it isn’t necessarily faster.

    Oh, and homemade laundry detergent is awesome – once you do it you’ll never go back. Well, not until you run out and don’t have time to make more, anyway. But seriously, I love mine. I use one bar of fels-naptha soap, 2c Arm& Hammer Washing Soda, 2c Borax. grate the soap and add to 1 quart of boiling water until it disolves. Add the soda and borax. Then add two gallons of water. Mix up, divide into three gallon milk jugs. So easy, smells so good (not while you’re making it though).

  20. My hubby loves to make breakfast. He bought himself a griddle a few years ago. It’s a pan with a 1″ lip around the whole thing, handles on the ends and it is large enough that it needs to lay across two burners on the stove. It can cook a lot of bacon at once and a bunch of eggs. Walmart. Just sayin.

  21. I don’t think I’ve ever posted before, but I couldn’t resist….I put this as one of your top 5 posts ever. This line? “While we wait, little old exhausted, hungry lady is back, I feel bad for her.” Priceless. I can see her shuffling in.. 🙂

    Bacon. YUM! My niece puts it in a pot and just stirs it around until its done. If I made FIVE pounds, it would all get eaten. Thus, we rarely have bacon 🙂

  22. I love this! Now I have to find some bacon.

  23. Typing, talking, thinking, frying bacon and eggs, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!? That makes my brain hurt, and worn out from reading this! whew … I think I need a glass of wine too. ;0)

  24. This post was too funny! And how weird is this, but I am right now watching a documentary on St Damien of Molokai, the priest to the lepers, on Net tv. The good news is there is now very good medication and it can be cleared up in a few months :). Hopefully your armadillo petters will not have to test this one out!

  25. What I want to know is: How do you get rid of the stale bacon smell left in the house afterwards?????