New Blog Post!

Oh my gosh you guys I’ve never been so happy to blog!! I’ve been locked out of this dang thing and thanks to the help of one awesome person who understands technology, here I am!

I don’t even know if people read blogs anymore and I’m kinda okay with that. It feels like a nice airy plain that I can hop on my horse and ride freeeee!

That’s a weird analogy because I don’t even ride horses. But something about having the freedom to share what I want and need to share without feeling like it’s in a weird social media bubble, well it’s very helpful.

So here’s the first thing I want to share now that I’m back! A little something I just wrote that covers my feelings in this moment about this weird time. Thanks for reading, dear kind soul. I LOVE YOU. And if we were neighbors I would wave WILDLY from a social responsible distance and see how you are doing!

QUARANTINE MOMENTS

It wasn’t my finest moment, but I’m going to tell you about it anyway. I was leaving my house a few days ago, in a hurry because I needed to help my dad take care of my mom. She was struggling with her breathing, and as I was leaving the house quickly, I made a terse remark to my neighbor.

My neighbor was gathered with a few friends who were all spread at an appropriate distance to have some morning fellowship. I won’t bore you with the details of my comments, but they were snippy. I said something as I hurried to my car and while I was indeed worried about my mom, my tone was uncalled for.

A few hours later I texted my neighbor to apologize. She was so generous in her reply, saying she understood I was a busy mama who was also a worried daughter. It was a stressful few minutes for me.

I was able to explain to my neighbor that the homeschooling of my children is going really well, and I’m managing my three college guys being at home all the time pretty great. I’m also teaching five college classes from home, but I’m able to make that work for me in a way that jives with all the other stuff I have going on.

The issue, I explained, is that if any other tiny detail gets thrown into my scenario, it just about pushes me over the edge. So that morning, as I worked to get schooling done for the day, a few other (uncontrollable) variables were difficult. It’s not great to live at that level, but we all know life is just crazy right now.

I discovered the next day that Friday morning ended up just being bad. I could blame it on a whole bunch of things, but there were about five really, really bad hours for me. I tried praying and crying and sobbing, I called my husband to get talked down from my crazy and I also texted a few friends asking for prayer.

Eventually, things turned around. I think I did all the “right” things — I tried not to wallow, I asked Jesus to be with me, I had people speak truth to me — and ultimately I kinda of had to wait it out. Things got better by lunchtime, and the next day I woke up with that feeling of “what in the world was that all about?”

I’m hoping that was my “Quarantine Meltdown,” perhaps the one and only meltdown I have? I don’t know. What I do know is that in generall there is a lot of grace and joy, somehow, in this time, but also moments of real stress and sadness.

The highs are high and the lows are low.

Here’s what I’m learning: it’s okay. There’s no right way to quarantine.

Well, maybe the right was is the age old approach we generally try to take as lovers of Jesus: Jesus, we trust in you.

It was so timely that the very Sunday after my Quarantine Meltdown, we celebrated Divine Mercy Sunday. Jesus, I trust in YOU. It was an important reminder to me that even when things don’t feel easy and fun, Jesus is still with me. And he wants me to have joy, and he wants me to have peace. So when I don’t have those graces working, it’s time to reset my focus.

I’m not going to pretend that everything has been perfect in this time. It’s been a good reminder to put my trust in Jesus. I’ve enjoyed the beautiful moments, but there have been difficult moments, too.

Both extremes warrant a trust in the Lord. When we are happy and at peace we thank the Lord for his goodness. When we are in times of trial, we ask God to shelter us and guide us back to the way of peace.

From St. Faustina’s Diary of Divine Mercy, passage 317: “Oh my God, my only hope, I have placed all my trust in you, and I know I shall not be disappointed.”

Comments

  1. Adrian Gallacher says

    Thanks for sharing. God bless you and your family. Trust is something I’m working on right now. I’m reading The way of Trust and Love by Jacques Philippe.
    ‘Trust creates Miracles’, the Little Flower said.

  2. Great to see you back blogging! I check every now and then, and happened to click on your site today! 🙂
    I did see your story on Instagram about melting down. It happens to all of us at some point. I was watching a YouTube video that my son’s preschool made of all the teachers saying they love the kids….and I just sobbed. It hurts so much that there are these people who love these children, and they can’t do what they were meant to do- be with and teach these children. He’s #7 and all he needed was to be in school with other kids and loving teachers (after being home with me for 5 years!) and now he can’t do that. It’s painful. God bless you and your family during this time- we’re also in GA and hopefully things can start getting back to normal soon!

  3. scotch meg says

    Thank you for writing this post. I for one needed to see that my meltdowns are a shared experience. I also needed a reminder of the better approach.

    It’s funny, because so much about my life has not changed – my husband is still working, I’m still teaching, most of my kids are still spread around the country in their usual activities. Still, changing from teaching in person to teaching online, not seeing friends regularly, not seeing my mother-in-law (and knowing how alone she is), all feels oppressive. Sometimes too oppressive. Having my college student home is wonderful for me, but painful for him, so, in the end, painful for me, too.

    Thank you, again. We really are all in this together.

  4. Welcome back! I have missed your posts!

  5. Thank you for writing on the blog! Will always remain a faithful follower.